Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming

 I have been having a really hard time lately with attention. I  have always wanted people to laugh at me cause I gotta admit that I can be pretty dang funny.. ;)  that is now gone, people would put me on the spot, I would get all red in my chest and then I would feel the pressure like make me laugh and then I could usually pull that off because I love to see people happy and smiling  the sound of laughter is my favorite sound. ( Hunter had the best laugh) . I now get looked at really weird kinda like I'm a puppy or  like I am on display., is she going to break down at any moment. I have never liked negative Attention on me,  I almost feel like I need to hug them and say "dude its gonna be OK".  I don't know its just weird..  I do not like it so much. I'm pretty sure it is just peoples way of having nothing to say there biggest fear for there children or anyone  I'm living it. 

 here's to you people..... This sucks !!!!!

I would not wish it upon anyone ever. But we can't change it.. We can only do better everyday to be strong for my, our Amazing HUNTER..

ps..

 I might just hug you if you look at me weird and I am so not a hugger!!! :)

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

Hunters videos

My little brother made these awesome video's for Hunter. Thank you so much Austin. I know this was hard for you to do and so awesome that you did it.. Love you!!!
Hunter Craig Hall - Love - Love - Love from Austin Tolman on Vimeo.

Hunter Craig Hall 1999-2012 RIP from Austin Tolman on Vimeo.

Baby steps..

                                                 Me and my amazing sunshine Hunter            
                                                           ...sure do miss you buddy...     


I named this post... Baby steps... cause that is pretty much how it has been. It has not even been two months yet and every day gets a little better. (thank goodness) At the beginning I felt this protective fog from the world. Some call it SHOCK. I was able to get up and plan his obituary, funeral and get it all figured out. I could talk at his funeral and was strong for my family.. all that was Baby steps..

                                                           
Then  after the funeral Dustin and I had a trip to mexico planned before the accident that we debated on going to cause, it was days after his funeral when we where leaving , we decided to go for the week, it was a very nice trip Hunter was around us everywhere from purple fish, to purple on the bottom of a seashell. BaBY STepS..

                                                                           I love you 
                                           Thanks for being my Best friend and soul mate                


We came home from Mexico to a fear that our house might have smoke and soot damage and our dog was breathing it in. The mountain next to our house had been on fire. Thank goodness we had lots of people thinking about us and everything was great. we walked in to  dead flowers everywhere :( and this is when it really hit home for me, I know longer felt that PROTECTIVE FOG. We had to clean up the flowers and put them in the garbage Lucky my mom came over and saved some pressed in books. (Thanks Mom)But it has been bigger baby steps at this point, I had a day I just slept and cried all day, a couple days where it was hard for me to do one thing without it wiping me out.. it comes it waves and I'm so thankful for that. 
On my birthday every year I'm usually in Oregon for mine and my nephews special day. This trip had also been planned months prior to the accident. So so so glad we went we had things still to get done and plan for. I think it helps me to watch our kids still have fun for Hunter and watch my nieces and nephews hug us tight and tell us stories and memories of Hunter. I love being with my family... 




I'm grateful and thankful for baby steps today..


  

Dear readers whom have never met me..

 BE AWARE..

I am not the best speller in the world, I use comas in places they don't go, or don't have them where they should go. I ramble and type what is on my mind.. My mission is to keep my Hunters light still bright maybe touching someone who is having a hard time with a loss. So if you can handle those things read on :) I would love you to hear our story..

Thank you